Joy and Abundance

When confronted with a challenge or choice, my first response is usually to notice two bad options.

I grew up with models that prepared me for more resignation than possibility. Life was generally taken at face value, sold “as is.” Miserable marriage? That’s how it goes. Hate your job? That’s life. In a financial mess? Unlucky.

This is a lie! I’m a slow learner, but I’ve seen overwhelming evidence that abundance and joy are also an option! We can set boundaries, state our needs, make choices, and explore possibilities with hope.

Training as a coach has helped me see that every situation and desire holds endless possibilities. When you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, get creative. Talk to a trusted friend who might see your situation from a different perspective. Name 2-3 new possibilities, even if they seem far-fetched or improbable. Then think of a handful more. Just because something has never been done before, doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

Planning for More

The beginning of a new year is often a time when people talk about things they’re going to cut back on. From calories to screen time, cutting back is the trend. I’ve never been accused of being trendy, so here are three things I’m planning to add more of in the new year.

1.    Five years or even two years ago, I would have never dreamed that I’d be setting a goal to have more social media in my life. Honestly, I still don’t want more social media in my life, but I’ve written books that no one will read if I can’t build a platform, and in 2020 that means a strong social media presence, followers, and subscribers. 

2.    I will engage in more true listening this year. This means no interruptions, no advice, and practicing genuine curiosity, not only during coaching sessions, but in everyday conversation.

3.    I will express gratitude more often. I have a practice of beginning every day by writing down what I’m thankful for, but I rarely express my gratitude beyond thank you cards of common courtesy. I’m setting aside time to write more cards, make more phone calls, and say “thank you.”

Two Ways to Think About New Year's Resolutions

For a long time, I resisted making new year’s resolutions. I’m not sure why. I enjoy lists and goal setting. Maybe it was because, as a teacher, August marked the new year and season for starting over. I live with a man who loves new year’s resolutions. I used to joke about how much I loved January John. He was the most healthy, helpful, and punctual guy I’d ever known! 

Then February would come.

But I envied the gusto he brought to each new year so much that I got on the bandwagon. And I learned that just like everything else we do, we do it very differently.

I approach new year’s resolutions like a road map. I write down my goals, think about the steps it will take to get there, and mark particular checkpoints on the calendar to make sure I stay on track. I revisit them frequently to see if I’m still on the right road, taking a detour, or slowing down for construction.  The resolutions I wrote 12 months ago have been on my mind all year, guiding my decisions day by day.

I’ve learned that my best friend uses resolutions like a time capsule. In preparation for our yearly retreat, he’s reviewing what he wrote for the first time in almost a year. He’s revisiting what he was thinking, feeling, and prioritizing a year ago. There’s a glimmer in his eyes as if to say, “Huh! How ‘bout that?” He holds plans loosely, faithful that God will lead us to the places we need to be.

We are different and we are both right. Intentionality keeps us focused. Freedom keeps us faithful. Truth is found in paradox. 

Fourth Sunday of Advent

Leading up to the fourth Sunday of Advent, we’ll continue to think about the gifts God provides his people, even in times of trouble or exile. During the Babylonian captivity, the Israelites held tight to the promise that God would save them. His gift was not only the coming Messiah, but the promiseof the Messiah. Even before a baby was placed in a manger, the psalms and prophets spoke with confidence that he wouldcome. The promise gave them hope to carry on, even when it all appeared hopeless. We’ll read from these texts each night this week.

On Sunday, we’ll read of the kings from the east who brought gifts to the Messiah. Then we’ll reflect on ways that we can bring our gifts to the kingdom of God, both individually and as a family. Building on those ideas, we’ll set concrete goals and plans for the new year and pray over them together.

Goal Changing

It’s time for the end of year audit! Don’t worry. It has nothing to do with taxes or scary people in suits. It’s my own reflective practice of looking at how I spent my time and money and how well I did whatever I set out to do. 

Here’s what I’ve noticed this year.

My goals changed. 

A lot. 

Every three months or so, I checked in on them. In some cases, I circled a goal and labeled it FOR 2020. Sometimes, I erased a bit and made an adjustment. In other cases, I drew a line through it completely, because it wasn’t important any more or it didn’t fit the new trajectory I was on. Our lives change incrementally and sometimes that means that the goals we started with won’t serve us well any longer.

In the season of New Year’s resolutions and all the goal-setting talk, do you find yourself avoiding the goals so you can avoid the inevitable guilt you’ll feel about not accomplishing them? I did.

I didn’t want to be locked into something I thought about in December, but the future Me might have no interest in.

Now I hold my goals loosely. 

They’re not carved in stone; they’re written in pencil. Changing or abandoning them is not a failure; it’s an option. I think of them as things I could do, not things I have to do.

Goal setting can be creative and fun. Give yourself permission to try!