Reaching out and Looking In

Nothing prompts a person to consider community like isolation. When cities and states began shutting down and we were all asked and then ordered to stay at home, my world felt really small. All along it was about protection, but I noticed that what I  was protecting had multiple levels.  

We protected our family and others by staying home. But I protected relationships, status, and belonging by who I reached out to. In the first two weeks, I participated in Zoom hangouts with church friends, new friends, the parents of my kids’ classmates. I texted and called many people. We were all in this together. 

As the weeks wore on and my own well-being waned, that list narrowed to people I’d know for a decade or longer. I ignored or deleted invitations to virtual hangouts with all but a handful of friends. Then as the world began to right itself, my circle expanded again.

I got curious about my own behavior. 

Here’s my guess. The people I’ve known for at least a decade have already seen me at my my worst. I’m not talking about unwashed hair and ten extra pounds. I’m talking about my most arrogant, broken-hearted, or mean moments.  And they’ve stuck around. I knew I had nothing to lose. They are also the people who have shown me their worst sides and nothing they might do or say was going to scare me away.

I didn’t trust the people I haven’t known as long or as deeply to hold space for my whole self. And maybe I didn’t have the capacity at the time to hold that space for them either. That sort of vulnerability takes time and and shared experience.

Which of your pandemic behaviors, if any, have you found curious?

Emerging After Quarantine

After so many days and weeks of living in crisis and caution, it’s interesting to watch our world reemerge. It reminds me of waking from a long, deep sleep, similar to how I imagine fairy tale kingdoms after a sleeping curse is broken.

People started coming out, only a little at first, like a long stretch after being confined over a long night. Now they’ve started venturing a bit further, timidly as though looking around to see whether anyone else is up. 

Some of us are morning people. We’re up and at ‘em, ready to take on the world again. We’ve created lists of things we’ve been waiting (and waiting) to get done. After so many weeks of slowness, we are rejuvenated and ready to hit the ground running.

Others are more languid. They’ll need time to acknowledge daybreak and shake out the cobwebs. They may even choose to maintain their quarantine norms longer than required. After so many weeks of slowness, they need time to adjust to a quicker pace of life.

How are you emerging after Covid-19?

Holding Space for Creativity

During our first week to #stayathome our son asked if he could FaceTime with a girl from his class. My husband and I might have normally said "no." We're not much into kids on screens or the premature boyfriend/girlfriend drama. But in these weird times, we said yes. I was very clear that he had to stay in the kitchen (where of course I would be listening the whole time).

As soon as he got on the phone they started talking about the book they are collaborating to write. I was a little embarrassed that he didn't even ask her how she was doing! Immediately, they were talking about characters' names, timelines, and narrative structure! 

After a 5-minute check in, they each put their heads down-while still on FaceTime-and WROTE! For 10 minutes, they didn't talk or even look up. They simply did the work.

When they finally spoke, it was to share what they'd written. Then they put their heads down and did it again. It went on like this for a full hour! I was so intrigued and inspired, I couldn't bring myself to stop them. When the call ended, he continued writing so that he could mail his draft and anticipate receiving hers. It’s as though they were both craving the creativity and collaboration that social isolations threatens to steal. They are fighting back the darkness in their own way.

His commitment spurred me on to keep my creative dreams alive. I partnered with a friend for daily check-ins and writing challenges. It’s given new life and meaning to an otherwise fallow time.

How are you keeping the embers of creativity alive?

Entertaining vs. Hospitality

Of all the things I miss about “normal” life, the one I miss most is having people over for dinner. Whether it’s a dinner party or collection of leftovers, we mark the weekend with friends around our table. Ironically, when the season of social distance is over, I want a full day alone and dinner surrounded by friends.

I’ve been rereading Andi Ashworth’s Real Love for Real Life. In it, she cites Karen Mains’s distinction between entertaining and hospitality. “Entertaining says I want to impress you with my beautiful home, my clever decorating, my gourmet cooking. Hospitality, however, seeks to minister.”

I know for a fact that I’ve never impressed anyone with my decorating, but the reminder was still impactful. I realize that I don’t need to wait for the end of a pandemic to show hospitality. I can provide food for my friends and neighbors, create beautiful spaces in my yard, and share words of encouragement with people I care for.

It’s not the same as laughing with friends over breakfast for dinner on a Friday night, but it’ll do for now. 

BEing in a Pandemic

I have to admit that I’m a bit envious of the people who are using this season of pandemic to embrace a slower pace, learn Spanish or take up quilting. It seems there’s a whole bunch of people who suddenly have less to do than usual. 

That’s not my story. With everyone home, I have more teaching, more cooking, and more cleaning to do, not to mention the special attention and care that is necessary when everyone is a little off kilter. I don’t seem to have the time or the emotional energy to get all of the things done that I’d planned.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Months ago, I was revisiting a model of having, doing and being. My own words are coming back to me now.

“I am a task-oriented, list-loving person, so I am most comfortable in the realm of doing, but I’ve been wondering what would happen if I listed who/how I plan to BE each day rather than what I plan to DO. At the end of the day, rather than measuring success solely by how many things I accomplished, I could assess whether I showed up in the way I intended.” 

The state of the world means I can’t DO all of the things I thought I would.  Sure, I’m staying busy each day, but it’s not in the way I’d imagined. It’s brought me back to listing who I want to BE and using that as my measure of success at the end of the day. And no matter how the day ends, I always get to try again.

I am a generous wife.

I am a joyful parent.

I am faithful in transition.

I am open to possibilities.

What’s on your list?